AndDestruction
by BeHiNdThEsHaDoWs45
Summary: Harry is abused, Snape notices something wrong.
1. Where should I start?

_Summary: Harry has an awful summer after the events in OOTP. Can he deal with his abusive relatives and his dead godfather? It is a Snape/Harry sort of thing (NOT slash), but not as typical as you may think._

_This characters belong to JK Rowling, to my never-ending despair._

_Enjoy!_

_xox_

_-Audrey_

_Warnings: rape, abuse, self mutilation_

_Rating: R_

**9-8-7**

CHAPTER ONE: WHERE SHOULD I START?

Harry Potter lay, bedraggled, on his stained bed sheets that smelled of stale sex. His uncle had defiled him for the third time that month, and that, that disgusting fact was starting to take its toll. His sixteenth birthday had passed four days ago, all his arriving presents burned by his relatives. His things for school were not burned fortunately, just locked in the cupboard under the stairs.

Harry stood shakily upon the floor, pain shooting through him like thousands of daggers. "Some fucking savior I am." He muttered to himself. He didn't cry. No, Harry Potter never cried. In front of any one. Not even himself. All he needed was his blade. His blade was his solace, his blade calmed him.

He opened the loose floorboard by the foot of his bed, taking out a small box of razors. He took one out, mesmerized by how it glinted in the moonlight, which spilled through the bars on his window. He dragged his blade it across his wrist once, twice, three times.

Blood ran down Harry's snow white arm in rivulets. How did I become this way? He asked himself. "Where should I start?" he thought aloud, "When my uncle started raping me? When my godfather died? When I found out the entire wizarding world looks to me as their SAVIOR!"

"BOY! KEEP IT DOWN!" Vernon's screaming echoed throughout the house. Harry's dark sarcasm vanished as his stomach twisted and he hugged his knees, leaving bloodstains on his oversized jeans.

Only a week until Hogwarts he thought to himself.

**9-8-7**

"GET UP, FREAK!" The shout shook the underweight teen awake. Vernon booted him hard in the ribs. Harry bit his lip to keep from screaming. He was sure he would die from the sheer agony. Harry sat up, his breathing constricted. He rubbed his eyes.

"What is it, Sir?" he asked.

"Today is the day you return to that freak school of yours" his Uncle replied menacingly, "but we have a few things to take care of first." He smiled a toothy grin.

Harry nodded, his eyes as big as saucers from fear. "Tell me you want it, you little whore.." Vernon said in a dangerously low voice.

Harry shook his head, tears spilling down his cheeks. Vernon laughed and threw Harry onto his stomach onto the floor. It was all too familiar to the boy. The cold sensation that followed his uncle stripping him of his lower clothing, the disgusted feeling of Vernon's hardness against his thigh, and the earth-shattering pain as he was penetrated. After it was over, Vernon had dragged his nephew down the hallway, into the bathroom, and thrown Harry in the shower.

"Can't have those freak friends of yours knowing, now can we?" his uncle said sadistically. Harry allowed himself one dry sob before he began to wash himself.

**9-8-7**

Harry looked at himself in the car window's reflection. He had cast concealment charms all over his body so that his numerous bruises and cuts were hidden. He looked up suddenly when the car screeched to a halt. He was thrown out of the car at Kings Cross station along with his trunk and Hedwig by Vernon's strong hands. A stranger had offered to help him up, but Harry had just refused, smiling politely of course, and composed himself.

When he had passed the barrier and arrived at platform 9 ¾, he spotted Ron and Hermione. He rolled down his sleeves and plastered a fake smile upon his face. Here goes.

**9-8-7**

**Note: I know, I know it seems like the typical story at first. But don't worry, it's quite original in later chapters. Shall I continue? I would appreciate reviews greatly.**


	2. Disjointed heart

_Mmm. No reviews yet. But the last chapter was short so that wasn't really fair. Here goes._

_xox_

_-Audrey_

_No rights belong to me. Me no claimey. You no suey._

_Chapter contains STRONG language._

**9-8-7**

CHAPTER TWO: DISJOINTED HEART

Harry Potter smiled emptily at his two best friends. "Oi, mate!" Ron said, slapping him hard on the back. Harry's body exploded in pain. Nothing hurts like a good slap to a black bruise.

"Harry!" came the high-pitched voice of Hermione Granger. She threw her arms around him, "Did you get my gift?" she said once she had finally pulled back. Harry bit his tongue, hard. Excruciating pain rushed through him. He was sure one of his ribs was broken already, he didn't need Hermione damagingthem any further.

"I'm sorry Hermione" Harry almost choked out, "I didn't get anything." Hermione and Ron could now see the pained expression on Harry's face.

"You alright Harry?" Ron asked worriedly.

"Yeah, yeah. Just a stomachache. I've had it since this morning. My aunt gave me some muggle medicine, though, s-so I should be feeling better soon." He could barely breathe.

The two seemed to buy it, so they continued on with their pointless little conversation until the Hogwarts Express came steaming up. Harry had a little difficulty dragging his trunk on board, but it all worked out in the end. Soon, he was slumped on the cushioned blue seat of the train compartment opposite Ron and Hermione, who were engaged in a ridiculous argument about whether or not Ron would pay attention to his studies this year.

"But RON! Think about your _future_-'

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Harry recognized the slimey voice of Draco Malfoy interrupting

as he slid open the compartment door. "Potty, Weasel, and Mudb-"

He didn't even get to finish before Ron shot up in fury. "Don't you ever, EVER call Hermione that. AGAIN."

Draco seemed a bit taken aback, but kept the same sadistic smirk he always wore on his face. "Oo Hermione's got herself a boyfriend, has she?"

Hermione hit Ron on the arm. "MUST you boys let your temper control you? No, _Mal-fucking-death-eater-foy_, he's not my boyfriend."

Harry smiled slightly. _Mal-fucking-death-eater-foy_. Suited him.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Developed a sense of humor Mud-"

Ron started to get to his feet.

"-whore." Hermione's mouth fell open in shock. She prepared to lunge herself at Draco, but he stepped out of the compartment and slid the door shut just in time. Hermione's palms slapped the unbreakable glass.

"Damn him! Damn that _fucking_ bastard! That _fucking_ piece of shi-

"Hermione." Ron said, taking hold of one of her hand, "MUST you girls let your temper control you?" She glared at him indignantly, pulled her hand back, and crossed her arms across her chest.

Ron smirked and shared a knowing glance with Harry. Or at least what he thought was a knowing glance. Even though Harry was smiling, he somehow felt detached from it all.

* * *

"Ey Mate, wake up!" Ron shook Harry's bruised shoulder. Harry opened his eyes slowly and winced inwardly.

"We're here!" said Hermione over-excitedly.

"Nawww, _really_? I thought that big castle_wasn't _Hogwarts-" Hermione shot Ron a death glare before he could finish his sarcastic statement. Harry stood up, utterly exhausted. Ron helped him with his trunk, and soon they were all riding in carriages up to the gigantic castle they called their school.

The rain was pouring down, and Harry seemed mesmerized by it. How he wished things could change. His heart felt empty, soulless…disjointed.

**9-8-7**

_Everytime you read and don't review, I die a little inside. Save me from a almost certain death._


	3. Not commitment to my own flesh

_Hey reviewers! Thanks for taking time to read my story._

_Sofia: Hmm. I know, you have a point. But I'm not one to spend time on big build-ups. Rest-assured, the story will be of a good length, but its plot unravels mostly while Harry is in Hogwarts. Thanks for reviewing!_

_Sanah: Yeah, I do admit Ron was a bit over-british…my bad. But he'll get better . There is a reason however for Hermione being so…PMSish? lol. Thanks a million for reviewing._

_Kizuna Kat: there's more coming soon! Gracias for the review._

_The Slytherin Prefect: Hehe, thanks. I'll take some of your suggestions to heart, and I assure you the plot will have a twist. Thanks for the review!_

_Yasona Black: and more shall come. Thanks for taking time to review!_

_Animegurl088: thanks! And thanks for your other review too_

_Lightvails: and your wish has come true. Thx!_

_

* * *

_

CHAPTER THREE: NOT COMMITMENT TO MY OWN FLESH

Harry watched the rainfall from the carriage he, Hermione and Ron were seated in. All he could think about was how in the name of _hell _he was going to hide the fact he had been raped. He had been in the hospital wing every year he had been in Hogwarts, and he knew that that wasn't about to change. The Glamour charms worked to hide his physical appearance, but the damage from the injuries was still done and he had no idea of how to heal them. He 'd pondered asking Hermione about some healing potions but he knew it would make her suspicious. Sometimes Harry hated the fact she was a know-it-all.

"Harry!" Harry mentally stumbled from his thoughts, realizing that they had arrived at Hogwarts. Hermione gave him a puzzled look. "You sure your okay, Harry?"

"I'm fine" his face immediately brightened. Hermione frowned as they all climbed out of the carriage.

"Give him a break, 'Mione. He doesn't need your constant mood-swing attacks." Ron said, smiling at Harry. This set her off and she dropped the subject.

"Oh, Ron, _You_ would know about mood swings now wouldn't you?"

Ron replied, but Harry didn't bother to listen, he just walked amidly beside his two best friends. All he wanted to do was climb into his dormitory bed. He was tired. _So_ tired.

* * *

The sorting and first feast of the semester went by as usual. Nothing special. The Slytherins were still infuriating little whelps. Snape's hair was still unwashed. Dumbledore was still acting as if he knew everything. And Sirius, Sirius was still dead. Often this thought crossed Harry's mind, and it brought tears to his eyes. He stared down at his plate of chicken, peas, and mashed potatoes. 

God. He needed his blade more than ever. His skin was itching for pain. He was itching for pain. All he needed was a little slice, just a little blood-

He looked up, and was greeted by a shocking sight. Professor Snape's glittering, obsidian pools of evil (Harry admitted to himself that was a _bit _of an exaggeration) were staring right at him, boring into him almost.

_Greasy Git_ Harry thought bitterly, turning his attention to Ron's ramblings about his summer holidays.

* * *

Severus Snape was pissed. No, he was more than pissed. He was _infuriated_. Dumbledore had asked him to resume Occlumency lessons with the Boy Who Didn't Seem To Die. He didn't want to dig into the brat's mind further, he didn't want to help him, and he wasn't quite sure why. 

He watched the sixth year students file in. He saw Draco Malfoy, insecurity practically radiating around him, sneering at all the first years. Pansy Parkinson hung at his side, with Crabbe and Goyle loping dumbly behind them. He saw Ron Weasley, engaged in a what he assumed to be pointless argument with Granger, and Potter. Oh, how he _despised_ this carbon copy of James Potter, his childhood rival.

Later on in the feast however, as his eyes did another menacing sweep of the Great Hall, he saw Potter acting…strange. Instead of being loud and annoying along with all ofhis friends, he simply stared at his dinner plate, seeming to be deep in thought. Suddenly, the boy looked up, staring directly at him. He had a confused look in his eyes, but a blank expression on his face. Potter frowned with disgust and looked away, focusing his eyes on Weasley.

_Odd._

* * *

"God _damn_ these stairs for being so- so many." Hissed Ron under his breath as they climbed the shifting staircase. Hermione rolled his eyes and Harry cast him a half-smile. The staircase swung to its destination and all three sighed in relief. 

"We've arrived!" announced prefect Neville Longbottom (yes, you did read that correctly) to the group of exhausted Gryffindors. They stood in front of a familiar portrait of a morbidly obese fat woman sporting a pink dress.

"Fl-Flobberworm" Neville said loudly, facing the portrait, and it swung open. Nearly all the Gryffindors settled themselves in the common room once they'd made their way through the portrait hole, but Harry went straight to the sixth year dormitories, dragging his trunk behind him. Once he reached the dormitories Harry threw open his trunk on his bed.He dug around to the bottom of it and pulled out what he was looking for, a box offresh razor blades. _My little pretties_. Harry's face contorted at how oddly Wizard of OZ-ish that seemed and hurried to the boys bathrooms.

Leaning against the cool tile wall, Harry rolled up his sleeve and positioned the blade at the corner of his wrist.

_Let me go_.

* * *

**I know this is routine so far, but it will twist! Please Review! Because the review button looks _ohhhhhhh_ so sexy. **


	4. Left all alone

_Notes: Good lord I love to update._

* * *

CHAPTER 4: LEFT ALL ALONE 

"Harry! _Harry_!" Ron shook Harry awake.

Harry looked at him blearily for a moment, then realized where he was. His pillow felt soft against the back of his head. He didn't want to lift it.

"Oh, _come on_" Ron said, annoyed, "it's the first day of classes. I don't want to go either."

Harry sat up, blissfully aware of the pain shooting from his left wrist. He took his glasses from his dresser and put them on. He turned toward his best friend.

"Just give me a moment to dress, Ron," he said calmly. Ron looked at him strangely but left the dormitories.

Harry rolled up his left sleeve and smiled. Eight deep red scratches, all criss-crossed were painted beautifully across his wrist. He fingered them slowly.

When Ron's impatient voice rang on the other side of the door however, he began to dress. He took off his pajamas and threw on black jeans, a black T-shirt and his robes. He grabbed his wand and books, and headed out the door. Ron looked at him angrily. "We've already missed half of breakfast waiting for _you_"

"Oh, come off it." Harry snapped.

They were greeted in the common room by Hermione. "Let's go, then." Her face was pale.

"You alright, Herm?" Ron asked worriedly.

"Fine." Her voice was solemn. Harry stared at her, and she stared right back, a menacing glint in her eye.

"_LETS GO_ then!" she said louder then she meant to, and whipped around. Ron and Harry looked at each other but headed after her.

Breakfast was fairly normal, but as Ron said, they'd missed half of it, so the second-youngest Weasley wasted no time talking as he stuffed his mouth with food. Hermione leered at him from across the table.

"Ron that is _disgusting_." Hermione growled.

"Who pissed in your coffee this morning, Hermione?" he retorted.

"For your information, Ronald, I don't drink coffee."

"Oh, _right_, like-

"Hermione! Ron!" Harry said rather exasperatedly, tired of their constant, unexplained arguments,"why don't we check out our schedules?" Ron wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and started digging around in his robe pocket for his.

Hermione shot him a death glare but opened hers. Ron looked at his schedule and then looked at Hermione's and Harry's.

"Double potions with the Slytherins for all of us. Then Harry and I have Transfiguration."

* * *

Harry, Hermione and Ron sat at their desks, anxiously awaiting Snape, wanting to get this class over with as soon as possible. They were almost relaxed when they heard Malfoy's drawling voice behind them. 

"Potter, Weasley, and Miss _time-of-the-month_" he smirked as Hermione's face turned red with rage, "amazing. How did _you lot_ make into sixth year potions?" he paused for a moment, "Granger with her mudblood abnormalities no doubt, I'm wondering about you two."

"For your information Malfoy, we both got O's in-

"MR. WEASLEY!" Snape's ear-shattering shout came from the back of the classroom, "twenty points from Gryffindor for distracting Mr. Malfoy."

Ron glared at Draco as the blonde Slytherin swept arrogantly back to his desk. Harry stared straight ahead at the wall. He was listening to this ordeal, but he found no reason to partake in it. He was lost in his thoughts, his terrifying memories. _His uncle, thrusting into him further with each powerful push-_

"Mr. Potter, what is the key ingredient in the Pepper-up Potion?" Harry realized he'd been lost in thought for quite a while.

"Um…" he said blankly for a moment, "…pepper?" A few Gryffindors appreciated this small attempt at a joke. Slytherins snickered. Snape's black eyes flashed with rage.

"While your idiocy never ceases to amaze me Mr. Potter, I am still forced to punish you. Detention, 7:00 tomorrow night. Lateness will not be tolerated."

Harry expected a burning to rise in his cheeks, or even spiteful words to make their way out ofhis mouth. Instead, his face stayed the same, staring blankly and disinterestedly at Snape.

"As blunt as that mutt of a godfather you have." Snape said. Gryffindors gasped. The Slytherins didn't snicker in particular, even for their head of house it went a little too far.

Harry wanted to slug Snape in the face.

Hermione shot to her feet and opened her mouth to say something. "Silence, Ms. Granger. Unless you want an embarrassingly low mark in potions, I suggest you sit down." She paled and sat down defiantly.

Snape stared at Harry. He had expected something from that comment. He knew he had way over-stepped the line, and was surprised at the fact that Harry didn't whip his wand out and start casting unforgivables in every direction.

Harry's face remained blank. _I need my blade. I wish I had my blade._

* * *

That night, as Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat over Charms homework, an argument was beginning to boil. 

"Honestly, do they insist on burying us in homework?" Ron whined. Harry gave him leverage. The complaint was fair enough.

"Ronald, if you never do your homework, you'll never get high marks. If you don't get high marks, you'll never make it _anywhere _in the wizarding world! How irresponsible are you?" Hermione hissed back.

Ron stood up. "Alright Hermione, what is it? What has you so worked up? You've been in a bitch mood since the Hogwarts Express!"

"I'll tell you what IT is!" she screamed, "I'M PREGNANT!"

Ron's face went white.

* * *

_R to the E to the V to the I to the E to the W._

_Xox_

_-A_


	5. Can't find my home

CHAPTER 5: CAN'T FIND MY HOME

Harry looked at Ron, open-mouthed.His best mate seemed horrified.Then, his eyes narrowed, finally understanding,"Ron…"

Ron jumped. "Yeh?"

"Oh, no. You two didn't….._Jesus Christ_…Ron…." Ron's face went from white to deep red.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Harry breathed.

"B-because…I mean…I didn't think it meant that much…" Ron seemed to be in a shock-like trance. Harry shot to his feet immediately.

"You slept with….with…_Hermione_…and you _didn't _think it was a big deal! Are you mad! How…how in the name of _fucking_ Voldemort did this happen!" Harry was surprised at how angry he was. Ron flinched at the Dark Lord's name.

"Hermione had come to The Burrow a week before school started. We were piss-drunk when it happened, Harry. Fred and George had brought us some firewhiskey and told us 'two kids to have fun' and left us alone in The Burrow. We got to talking….and well…you know…" Ron looked at his shoes ashamedly.

"No Ron, I _don't _know! I don't understand why you two couldn't have trusted this with me!" Harry snapped.

"Well, Bloody Hell! Don't _you_ get so worked up! You're not the father of her- her-_ baby_" he said the last word with utter disbelief, "Harry, she's pregnant. I didn't think, we didn't think, we didn't even talk to each other about it."

Harry's face softened. "Hey, I'm sorry. I just- I was just in shock. Who could have imagined….you and Hermione. You know you must talk to her, Ron?" He nodded and rose to his feet.

"Not right now, Ron. Give her some time." Harry oddly felt like Oprah Winfrey, though he had never watched such a television program.

Ron glared at him. "I'm going to bed early" he said hoarsely, leaving Harry sitting alone by the fireplace.

* * *

_**A screaming woman with piercing green eyes clutched her cheek as blood gushed from it. She held what appeared to be a bird's body. Her face contorted into amask of white withtwo red slits for eyes, almost no nose, and a hissing sound rising from it's mouth.**_

_**Come little child**_

_**It won't hurt**_

_**Because your mommy had to buy you a mockingbird**_

_**And because that mockingbird bird didn't sing**_

_**You broke it's neck**_

_**and began to wring**_

_**Come little child**_

_**It won't sting**_

_**Because your mommy had to buy you a diamond ring**_

_**And because that diamond ring didn't shine**_

_**You cut her with it**_

_**Blood so fresh, so fine**_

_**Come little child-**_

Harry awoke in a cold sweat, the terrible hissing voice still ringing in his ears. _Voldemort_. His scar burned terribly. He sucked in deep breaths of air, trying to calm himself. He threw the covers of his dormitory bed off, and immediately got to his knees on the ground. Not caring about how much noise he was making, Harry opened his trunk and dug around for his _pretties. _

Five minutes later,the Boy Who Livedsat against the boy's bathroom wall, watching the scarlet rivulets of blood trickle down his arm in wonder.

* * *

The next day at school was miserable for Harry, Hermione, and Ron. On top of dealing with his flashbacks of his home life and his visions, Harry had to deal with his barely speaking best friends. Ron was pathetic. He had never looked so….forlorn. Hermione would change moods as often as Snape wouldtook away Gryffindor house points. Her face changed from **I'mabouttaburstintotears** to **I'mabouttastabyouinthefuckingneckRonaldWeasley.**

Harry had attempted to get the two to as thetalk y sat in the common rooms that night, but they didn't even make eye contact. Sighing, Harry knew he had to get moving to his detention with Snape.

* * *

The dungeons were unusually cold that night. Harry was rightly pissed off as he stormed toward's Snape's office door. He rapped hard three times. The door swung open, and Harry made direct eye contact with his potion's master.

"You're here," Snape snarled.

"Brilliant observation." Harry shot back.

"15 points from Gryffindor."

"Piss off."

"What was that?"

"Nothing to fret over. Now what was it you wanted me to do?" Harry maintained his snide attitude because he was so sick of Severus berating him constantly. _Like my attitude ever stopped him _Harry thought bitterly.

"Hmm Potter, I was thinking of giving you a punishment that was extremely detestable, but to my utter disappointment, and by the orders from the headmaster himself, today, here and now, is where we begin your Occlumency lessons."

"I'm shocked. You managed to say all without using that sneer that seems to be super-glued to your face twenty-four seven." Harry was trying so hard to step over the line, and he wasn't quite sure why.

"Well what bunched up Potter's Panty's today? I'm about as happy as you are to start Occlumency. But anything for Albus' golden boy."

_**Golden. Boy.**_

Harry closed his eyes for a moment. _**Golden** light streaming through his window bars as his uncle thrust into him painfully, "**boy**!You deserve this,you disgusting whore!"_

"_Potter_!" Snape hissed.

"What?" Harry answered timidly, trying hard to contain his sudden trembling.

"Oh into mood-swings are we now? Perhaps today we shouldn't start with Occlumency." Snape said testily.

Harry nodded silently, his face an unnatural shade of white. Snape thought this was quite odd. "Potter, do you need to see Pomfrey."

"No!" Harry shouted, almost panicked.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Alright then. We shall proceed with a normal detention, then. Those cauldrons in the corner of the room need to be scrubbed clean. Use no magic." He tried to smile with malice, but Severus Snape felt something else other then the hateful emotion. A tugging at the bottom of his stomach. There was something wrong with the Potter boy. But he didn't _care._

_Serves the little bitch right_ he thought spitefully, turning his back on the boy.

* * *

_What do you think? I know it's still kinda routine, but wait for it, you'll see_

* * *


	6. Hear me

CHAPTER SIX: HEAR ME

Harry Potter stared at down at the scarlet line of blood that marred his snow white arm. The blade was clenched in his right hand, cutting his palm. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "You'll never, ever-

"Harry! What are you doing in there?"rang Seamus Finnagan's impatient voice from the dormitories, "I've got to, you know, drain the main vein!" A laugh and a high-five could be heard. Harry rolled down the sleeve of his robe, tucked his blade into his pocket, and rose. He flushed the toilet (to fool them), washed his hands, and left the bathroom.

"Sorry." Harry muttered indifferentlyto his Irish roommate.

He ran down the spiral staircase to the Gryffindor common room and was greeted by an all too familiar sight: Ron and Hermione, sitting back to back to each-other, scowls on both their faces, and arms crossed tightly.

"Well, seeing as we're all so _cheerful_ this morning-" Harry started.

"Shutup, Harry" Ron and Hermione said in unison.

"I see you've had your talk." He raised an eyebrow, and Ron gave him a look. A flush could be heard from upstairs, and Seamus came running into the common room.

"Come on, Harry. Breakfast ull do ya good.Let em deal with it on their own. Teenage drama's fecking_miserable_." Seamus took hold of his arm and dragged him towards the portrait hole. Harry winced at the pain. Seamus had a rather tight grip over his cuts.

"I'll see you two in class," he called back to Ron and Hermione, as Seamus continued to drag him along.

_

* * *

Potions._ Harry stared irately at his horribly brewed yellow concoction. Snape was still being a greasy bastard. Ron and Hermione still weren't speaking. He stared at his cauldron as the callousgit strode up to him. 

"_Mister Potter_," he sniggered staring disgustedly at Harry's potion, "I see your fame has failed you once again. Twenty points from Gryffindor." Harry would have opened his mouth to protest, but he knew it wasn't worth it. Plus, he knew it's what Snape wanted.

Snape watched Potter's eyes stare at him emptily. "Alright, then."

"So arrogant. So extremely careless. Selfish little brat." Severus said these aloud.

Hermione shot to her feet, face red.

"Don't waste your breath, Hermione," came Harry's dangerously calm tone, "he's not worth it. His lies aren't worth it."

"_POTTER_!" Snape barked.

"What?" Harry asked calmly. This infuriated the potions master.

"How dare you use such disrespect with me?" he hissed.

"You started it." He said grimly. Harry's insides twisted with rage.

Snape recognized the calm cover, and attempted to break it. "Are we in primary school, Potter? Must you use such childish defenses?"

Harry's eyes flashed with rage. "_Fuck. You_."

A silence settled over the room. The Slytherins were rather enjoying this, but didn't seem to expect him to cuss out their head of house.

"Get out." Snape said tersely. Harry nodded, his face remaining impassive. He picked up his books quite calmly, and swept out of the dungeons.

* * *

"Harry! Harry! That was brilliant!" Ron's excited voice spread throughout the common room. It was 6:30. After he had left the Potions classroom, he waited outside and attended all his classes as usual, not speaking to anyone. He had just settled in one of the red plush chairs, hoping to be left alone while everyone else went to dinner. 

Hermione rolled her eyes, standing a few feet away from Ron.

"He was being anarse, Harry, but you didn't have to use suchlanguage with him." She said rather sternly.

"Well god forbid I use _language _with him, Hermione. I'm sure using language with Snape would doom the entire wizarding world." He glowered. Hermione paled and stormed out of the common room.

"_So_ like her," Ron said rather childishly, and sat at the chair opposite him, "I'm surprised he hasn't made you see the headmaster. I mean, he's an impudent bastard and should fuck himself, which everyone knows, but still, seeing you finally tell him that was a relief. Maybe he realized it was true. Maybe-"

"Ron." Harry cut him off, "I am very tired. I'm going to go to bed now. Talk to me in the morning." His tone was rather…empty.

Ron stared, puzzled, at his best friend disappeared up the stairs to the dormitories.

Harry looked down at his wounded wrist as he climbed the stairs. _Maybe one day, I can just cut deep enough..._

He paused, a rather amused smile playing across his face.

The Boy Who Lived indeed.

* * *

You know what I like. """review button begins to strip"""" 

-A


	7. Heal my ill heart

_Tell me if Ron is OOC in this. I'm not sure._

* * *

CHAPTER 7: HEAL MY ILL HEART 

Harry stared blankly at his toast.

"Christ, Harry. What's the matter with you?" asked Ron irritably. Harry looked up with confused eyes.

"Huh?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Never mind. Have you seen Hermione?"

Harry looked around the breakfast table. "I don't see her anywhere."

"Just like her.." Ron grimaced, "running away, _again_."

"Give her a break, Ron. She's only sixteen. Do you know how big of a responsibility that must be?" Harry replied reasonably.

"Since when did _you_ become Dumbledore?" Ron hissed. Harry didn't take it as an insult, but it confused him.

"Like dumble-

"Yeh. Always telling everyone what to do with their lives."

"He doesn't-

"Oh, yes. He does. Look what he did to you!"

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked.

"….he took away your life. You're his soldier…the only reason he gives you special treatment is because he wants you to fight the battle against Voldemort for him. The whole wizarding world turns to you. You're a kid, Harry."

Harry frowned. "Ron, I'm not a-

"YOU'RE A PAWN, HARRY! A PAWN IN DUMBLEDORE'S GAME!" he yelled, getting up from the table, and storming away. Harry shivered slightly.

_Well god, don't get too dramatic. Male PMS if I've ever seen it._

"_Mister_ Potter" Snape's slithery voice rang in his ears. He turned diligently.

"That little outburst of yours yesterday was anything but acceptable. Be in my dungeons tonight at 9:00."

* * *

Harry Potter sat in the potions classroom, listening to the thunder outside. Though the dungeons were deep within the castle, outside weather could be heard. He sat quietly, no company other than the greasy git himself. 

Harry loathed him. Harry despised him. Harry wanted nothing to do with him.

But today, Harry Potter, sitting in detention, was not thinking about his utter contempt for Severus Snape. No. He was thinking about his godfather. Sirius Black. He was thinking about his death. Murder. He was thinking about his Uncle. Vernon Dursley. He was thinking about the abuse. Brutal rape.

Harry's eyes glittered with unshed tears. He looked down at the essay he was supposed to be writing for detention, trying to keep his concentration.

He placed his fist upon his cheek tightly, catching his solitary tear inbetween his fingers. He tried to labor his breathing, but it was hard for him. All he could see was Sirius falling through the veil.

"Potter" came the sharp voice of his most hated Professor.

"Yes, Professor Snape?" he answered in a god-awful empty tone.

"I suggest you stop your wailing and continue writing your essay." His voice was void of any real malice.

"_Shutup_." Harry hissed, his grief soon turning to anger.

"You are not to speak to me like that, Potter," Snape said between gritted teeth, "not even if you're the boy-who-lived."

"My my. Aren't we testy?" Harry said in the snidest tone possible.

"_POTTER_!" Snape roared, immediately appearing at the edge of his desk. He slammed his fist down on it, sending Harry's papers flying to the floor.

Harry looked at him dejectedly. " What are you trying to prove, Professor?"

"That you can't go taking out your anger on everyone just because your god-mutt died."

"_Don't talk about Sirius_." Harry said darkly.

Harry felt rush of white-hot anger wash over him.

"My, my. Aren't we testy?" sniggered Snape, mocking him.

"Just say it." Harry said suddenly, his voice hitching.

Harry had so much to tell Sirius. So much to discuss with him. But it was too late now.

"Say what?" Snape breathed, a grim curiousity playing in his tone.

"Say you hate him." Harry said, trying to push down the lump in his throat.

"Potter, I hardly think-

"Your happy he's dead." Harry was awkwardly calm.

"Listen, your insolent little feelings are not of great importance to me. I am-

"SAY IT!" Harry screamed with such force that potions master stumbled backwards, "SAY YOU HATE HIM! SAY YOUR GLAD HE'S DEAD! BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE!" a dry sob wracked his body.

Snape stared at him for a moment, pondering what to do. He pasted a sneer on his face. "I am not going to say any-

Harry whipped out his wand, his red-rimmed eyes flashing dangerously.

Severus pulled out his wand and called out simply, "_Accio Wand_." Harry's wand flew out of his hand and into Snapes. The distraught teen crumpled to the floor.

"WHY CAN'T THEY ALL JUST SAY IT? THAT IT WAS ME! I KILLED HIM! I HAD TO GO TO THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES! I LET THAT _PIECE-OF-SHIT WHORE_ BELLATRIX KILL HIM! AND WHY CAN'T YOU ADMIT YOUR HAPPY? HAPPY THAT THIS HAPPENED! BECAUSE I KNOW-" he stopped for a moment to sob, "I _KNOW_ YOU ARE!"

Snape stood in front of the Boy Who Lived. This was one of the few times in his life where he didn't know what to do.

"Potter." He said softly, then raised to a more annoyed voice, "POTTER!"

Harry looked up, his eyes full of hatred. And that was when he lunged. He knocked Snape to the floor, swinging punches at the older man's chest, trying hard to hurt him, to make him bleed, to make him feel as he did.

"Potter-" Snape was hardly being hurt by this pathetic attack, "_get. the. fuck. off. of. me_."

"NO! NO! NOT UNTIL YOU SAY IT! SAY IT!" Harry clawed at his face, tremors passing through his body.

Severus sighed. He had no choice.

"_PETRIFICUS TOTALUS_!"

* * *

_Thanks to these people for reviewing!_

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	8. Cannot express

_DRUGS here. You have been warned._

* * *

CHAPTER 8: CANNOT EXPRESS

Harry lay on the stone-cold dungeon floor, completely immobilized. He tried to look around, momentarily forgetting what had happened. Then it all came rushing back to him.

He had attacked Snape. _I attacked Snape?_

Harry pondered this for a moment. _Greasy bastard deserved it._

"Potter," Snape's voice sounded below menacing, "I do not care for your girlish outbursts our your utter contempt for those below your fame, but since you are Dumbledore's favorite, I'm obligated to give you _some_ advice."

Harry froze up inside.

"Let him go." The words rolled over his tongue strangely.

Harry was in shock. Severus Snape, his most sworn enemy, had just given him advice? He was released from the body bind, and scrambled to his feet.

"Professor, I'm so-"

"Potter, for once in your life, _shutup_. That is all I have to say to you. Now go."

Harry wanted to say something, anything, but his mouth remained shut. He remembered what Snape had said about Sirius. _God-mutt_. He turned swiftly, and stormed out of the classroom.

* * *

Severus watched the young boy go. 

_Wonderful._

He pondered for a moment. He decided to never mention Sirius around Harry, not for the boy's sake, but his own. He didn't want Potter to catch him off-guard and do any real damage….

Severus kept telling himself this, kept telling himself he was selfish.

But could he be concerned about the Potter boy?

_Abso-fucking-lutely not!_

* * *

Harry ran through the halls of the Hogwarts castle. Beads of cold sweat ran down his face. He was furious, but he couldn't believe what had just happened. He couldn't believe he'd allowed peopleto do this to him. Vernon to rape him. Voldemort to ruin his life.He had lashed out at Snape of all people. Surely the detestable professor would go tell Dumbledore and withintwenty-four hours he'd be sitting in the headmaster's office as the old wizard tried to 'figure him out'. 

_I want to rip those twinkly blue eyes out of his fucking head_ Harry thought darkly.

"Hey, Potter." Harry turned. Crabbe, a Slytherin prefect, smiled at him menacingly.

"Oh, oh. Perfect. What are _you _going to do?" Harry snapped.

"Nothing. You look pretty pissed. What's been on with you? Draco won't stop talking about your insolent attitude." Crabbe smirked beefily.

"Oh, you _can_ say big words. Just my fucking life. Everything in it's completely-" Harry stopped. Draco had been _talking_ about him? With his friends, no less. He opened his mouth to continue, but Crabbe cut him off.

"Alright, Potty. I'm not your fucking therapist. I came to offer you some shit."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Shit? Enticing."

Crabbe pulled out a small baggy filled with white powder. "This," he pointed to the cocaine, "is the answer to all your prayers."

Harry snatched it. "How much?"

* * *

Harry stormed through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. He saw Hermione sitting on the plush red couch by the fireplace, looking teary-eyed,but he could care less. He was done with solving allhis friends problem. He wanted to scream. He wanted to hit something. He was so tired of being used. 

He stormed up the circular staircase and threw himself onto his bed.

* * *

_Okay, I know. This was REALLY short. But the next one, which is already half-written, has more 'discovery' if you know what I mean. _

_The review button loves you. No, really. It does._


	9. Regressed

_Reviewers, this chapter is VERY important, and explains the erratic (ness?) of the last one._

* * *

CHAPTER 9: REGRESSED 

Moonlight shone across Harry's red blanket. He fidgeted angrily, trying so hard to figure out why he had lashed out as he did. He regretted deeply showing Snape his true emotions, but attacking the git wasn't something he wanted to take back. Harry pondered this, pondered how Snape was convinced he was his father, convinced he was an arrogant prick, and he grinned at the irony of it all. Harry Potter, celebrity of the wizarding world, was, in the muggle world a man-whore who was worth less than dirt.

Then, he thought about the cocaine.

Harry stared at the small plastic baggy. He raised his eyebrows. He hardly wanted to associate himself with muggle drugs, but he assumed that they would at least numb his pain. There was many a night he had heard Dudley, high as a kite, laughing hysterically as he stumbled into his bedroom.

He opened the baggy slowly and touched the white powder with his forefinger. Everything began to spin.

* * *

Snape awoke in a cold sweat, clutching his arm tightly. He was being summoned to a death eaters meeting. Snape knew the dark lord was back, he had been for two years, but he hadn't expected Voldemort to be so consistent. He gasped from the pain and climbed out of bed. He pulled on his robes and his mask and ran through the dungeons, up several flights of stairs, and into the Great Hall. Being a spy for Dumbledore wasn't the easiest thing in the world. 

He ran out of Hogwarts, near the edge of the Forbidden Forest, then apparated.

He popped up in a circle of death eaters, clad in black (obviously) surrounding a small, slightly limp figure. Snape looked around hastily. They were a few miles outside of Hogsmeade. At once, the Dark Lord's hissing voice rang in his ears. Snape, along with his other servants, bent down and kissed Voldemort's robes.

"We have captured," he said proudly, if he could ever be capable of such a _human_ emotion, "the enemy."

Snape gasped in surprise, his eyes focusing on the figure.

_Potter._

* * *

A portkey. 

_I should have known better than to trust Crabbe._

Harry knew what this was. A death eater's meeting he had been transported to through a temporary portkey disguised as cocaine.

He knew this because Voldemort was telling all of his faithful servants about it, adding little hints ofwhat an idiot he was.

And the funny thing was, he didn't really care.

"Adolesssscentssss, even thossse assss great asssss the Boy Who Lived" Voldemort hissed, "cannot ressssissst the temptation of drugsssss. Painful livesss, they have."

Harry groaned frustratedly.

He was immediately pulled to his feet, and jolts of pain shot through his scar. The Dark Lord's bony, white fingers were wrapped around his wrist. Both hands shot to his forehead. He screamed, the pain was so intense.

"Luciussssss. Ssstep forward." The blonde death eater walked towards Harry and Voldemort.

"Maybe you can help him relive hissss…" he paused for dramatic effect, "home life."

Harry paled, suddenly forgetting the blinding pain shooting through his forehead.

"Yesssss Potter. Your home life. You didn't think I knew?" Harry shook his head.

"It's not possible.."

"Oh yesss, it is. Thiss boy" he gave Harry a sharp tug, "wasss a whore to hiss uncle. Ssstrange thingsss thessse mugglesss do."

A rise of almost hysterical laughter rose from the death eaters. Harry pulled angrily on his arm.

* * *

Snape froze. 

But wasn't Potter….worshipped? He suspected the muggles he lived with had rushed around him, attending to his every need.

But…to _rape _him? _A child?_

_Oh dear, am I actually feeling compassion?_

He stared at Harry, wide-eyed with fear.

"Ssssnape" Voldemort hissed, "come forward alsssso."

His muscles tightened as he walked towards Lucius, Voldemort, and Harry.

* * *

_I should have damn well known_

Harry thought angrily, glaring at the masked figure that was supposed to be Snape. His eyes glistened with fear and betrayal.

_This isn't real _Harry thought to himself.

"My Lord-" began Snape.

"DO NOT ADRESSSS ME! CRUCIO!" Voldemort pointed his wand at Snape.

Snape fell the ground, writhing in pain. He suppressed his screams.

_Well, someone's in a mood today_.

* * *

_The Slytherin Prefect: Hey, yeah, thanks for taking time to review…but don't you think Harry would have gotten his swearing from the Dursleys? In this fanfic at least_

_Saadia10511: Thanks for following this!_


	10. Anger's a gift

_the next chapter, my lovelies._

* * *

CHAPTER 10: ANGER'S A GIFT

He was captured. And helpless.

Oh, but he was pissed.

Everything was surreal. Lucius and Snape stood, towering over him, at the Dark Lord's beck and call.

"Luciusss" Voldemort spoke, "defile him."

Harry's eyes widened in fear. He would not let this happen. _This is not going to happen. _

The mere thought of Lucius pounding into him spiralled him into a dark anger. An anger he had never known.

"Ssssnape" the voice rang in his ears, "hold him down." Snape raised his wand, rather reluctantly, Harry noted.

This is not going to happen.

_This is not going to happen._

* * *

Snape stared solemnly into Harry's eyes, and was surprised to find pure rage. His iris' seemed to glow red, his hands trembling. 

"Harry issss _angered_?" taunted Voldemort, then screamed, "_LUCIUS! SEVERUS_!"

"_Petrificus Totalus_!" Snape yelled.

Harry stood, fire flaring in his eyes.

"Petrif-" Snape started again.

"_CRUCIO_!" Lucius screamed. Harry fell to the ground, writhing. He didn't make a sound, the same enraged look in his eyes. After several minutes, Voldemort ordered the blonde death eater to stop.

Harry rose once again.

He was surrounded by wizards (or death eaters…whatever floats your boat) much more powerful than him.

Oh, but he was pissed.

* * *

"Potter," the dark lord said, rather….seductively. 

"What?" answered Harry wryly. He was almostcomforted by the familiarity of Voldemort's impudent threats. Almost.

"You have grown powerful."

There was a pregnant pause. "Yes" Harry smiled indignantly, "I suppose I have."

"_PETRIFICUSSSS TOTALUSSSS_!" his voice echoed all around him. Harry was locked in a full body bind. His eyes were still green orbs of fury.

"Luciusss" he nodded his head toward the enraged teen.

Lucius Malfoy smiled maliciously, and knelt down by Harry. He slowly began to untie Harry's robes.

* * *

Snape stood there, helpless, locking gazes with the Boy Who Lived. _So, what?_ Just because he had turned out to be the Boy Who Was Raped didn't mean that he was any less….Potter. 

But Snape also began to consider the 'Potter' part, and not the 'Harry' part. Mistreating him on the pre-text that he was exactly like his father.

_I suppose I was unfair _Snape let his thoughts go.

_You suppose? _His subconscious scolded. He quickly cleared his mind. Voldemort was a powerful Legimelens.

And he watched Harry curiously.

He was lying dejectedly on the ground.

He was spelled by the Dark Lord.

He was going to be raped by a death eater.

Oh, but he was pissed.

* * *

As Lucius' hand reached the button of Harry's trousers, a white-hot pain shot through the Malfoy, causing him to stumble back. 

Harry had released himself from the body bind. And for some reason, unknown to even him, he was able to use wandless magic. He stood slowly, tediously, furiously.

His emotional pain was excruciating. His physical pain…well….he had none.

Voldemort was frustrated. "_CRUCIO_!" he screamed, pointing his wand at Harry.

Harry stepped easily aside, letting the curse hit the grass. He supposed the ants down thereweren't having a very good time.

Harry Potter gazed right into Voldemort's slits. "Missed me."

Voldemort raised his wand again.

"STOP." Harry's voice was so full of fury Voldemort was mildly curious. "YOU WILL LET ME GO. YOU WILL LET ME WALK FREELY BACK TO MY SCHOOL. AND WE WILL BATTLE IN FAIRER CIRCUMSTANCES." His voice was malicious, and somewhat evil.

"Ooo. Potter thinksss hess powerful-"

"SHUTUP!" Harry's screams tore through everyone's ears. The wind began to blow.

"YOU WILL RELEASE ME!" clouds began to gather in the sky.

"AND IF YOU EVER," thunder boomed in the cliché storm.

"EVER INTERFERE..." lightning illuminated the sky.

"I will kill you. And everyone you care about. And you know what I mean." His voice took a more disturbing, softer tone. Rain began to fall, heavily.

It was very unusual. Harry Potter had just screamed at the Dark Lord.

Oh, yes. He was pissed.

* * *

Snape's face paled. _Care_…about? But surely,_Voldemort _cared about no one. Snape made out Harry's figure through the downpour, but other than that he couldn't see anyone else, and he supposed no one could see him. It was now or never. 

A few minutes later, the storm had stopped. Voldemort and the Death Eaters looked around, confused. Harry and Snape had vanished.

* * *

_NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UPDATED VERY SOON!_

_And yes, it is a very sexy little blue button, isn't it?_

_Haha you guys thanks for the reviews. I'm so so sorry for the short chapters._

_All my love. 3_


	11. Been blessed

_Haha._

_I love the anger._

* * *

CHAPTER ELEVEN: BEEN BLESSED

Harry's eyes opened slowly. His first initial thoughts were that he was dead, but after the bleariness in his eyes cleared he realized with a groan that he was in the hospital wing. He began to panic, but then remembered that the concealment charms he had put on himself were very strong.

"Potter," slithered a voice to his left.

"Snape!" Harry yelled, "you- you-"

"I'm a spy, boy. Did you really think I would have let Lucius do…_that_ to you?" He spoke 'that' with a tone of sheer disgust.

Harry glowered. "Yes."

Snape's black eyes glittered. "I've informed the headmaster of your home situation. About, your uncle."

Harry's hands shook with rage, but he maintained a calm tone. "Right. And why did you do that?"

"I may not like you, Potter. But if any of my students are being hurt like that, it is my duty to report it."

"Right. Get out." Harry wasn't that angry, at least, not compared to his showdown with the dark lord several hours back.

"Potter. I do not know how you managed to escape the Dark Lord's binding spell, your powers exceed even…mine. I mentioned this to the headmaster. And you do _not _give me orders."

"Get. Out." Harry's voice took a dangerous tone. Windows in the hospital wing began to rattle.

Snape stood angrily over him. "You are the most self-righteous, conniving little whelp I've ever met in my life." He held the teen's gaze for a moment before turning swiftly and leaving the hospital wing.

Harry smirked, and swung his legs over the cot he had been laying on. Madame Pomfrey came rushing in. "And just what do _you _think you're doing?"

"_Leaving_" he snapped.

"I am sure she was aware of that, Harry." Dumbledore's solemn voice came frombehindhim. Harry noted sadness in his voice, which annoyed him slightly.

Harry stood rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do.

"Harry," Dumbledore strode over to him, concern written all over his face. Harry hated this. He wanted to be far, far, far away. "Why didn't you tell me what was happening?"

His warm hand rested on the boy's shoulder. "Um, well," Harry started, feigning an amused tone, "I didn't really think it was any of your business."

Dumbledore shook his head. "You need to talk about this, Harry."

"Actually, I don't think I do." Harry shot back, rage beginning to build up inside of him.

"Harry, if you don't deal with-

"If I don't deal with it! I've been- oh nevermind." Harry realized there was nopoint,glowered and made towards the double doors of the hospital wing.

Dumbledore stepped in front of him, but he pushed past the headmaster forcefully. Madame Pomfrey came running after him. She stopped him at the exit to the hospital wing, tears in her eyes. "You have to let the headmaster talk to you…" her voice broke. Her eyes shimmered with tears, and her chin trembled.

"You know what I've always wondered?" Harry said, "why people who are watching someone else being hurt get _more _upset than the person getting hurt. Always confused me."

"Harry, _no_." Madame Pomfrey said, a sob coming out.

"Come now, don't be rash….Harry, Harry….your uncle _raped_ you." Dumbledore said from behind, his voice breaking too.

"Madame Pomfrey, please let me through." He requested firmly.

"No," she shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes. _What is this, lifetime?_

Something seemed to take over the Boy Who Lived at that moment. He didn't know what it was, but it sure as hell felt good. He whipped out his wand and pushed it into Madame Pomfrey's neck.

"Get. out. of. my. way."

"No," the medi-witch released his arms and made to hug him.

"Harry, you need to be comforted." Dumbledore insisted, and Harry could hear his footsteps growing closer. That was it.

Harry threw Madame Pomfrey back against the doors, hard. He put his wand away, and pulled her up by her elbow, and then wrapped his hands around her neck. "Listen to me, _bitch._ If you value your life, getting out of my way would be a very wise thing to do." Of course he would never really kill her.

Madame Pomfrey shuddered, and when Harry released her stepped aside. He burst through the doors of the hospital wing, knowing Dumbledore would be attending to his employee instead of chasing him. He smiled thoughtfully and checked his watch. Dinner had started five minutes ago.

When he calmly came through the doors of the great hall, where everyone was feasting, the first thing he did was look at Snape. He tore his eyes away and marched over to the Gryffindor table. The anger had exhausted him. He sat down next to Ron, who was chewing on a roll noisily.

"Hfarry?" he asked, and Harry smiled weakly. Ron swallowed his food. "Where were you today? You missed the best Potions ever- Snape wasn't there!"

"I just had some things I had to do. One day of skipping classes won't do me much harm, will it?" the lies slipped off of his tongue easily.

Hermione, who was now standing behind them, had heard him and was now red in the face. "That is _sooo_ irresponsible."

"Hermione, you _sooo _need to get out of our lives." The young girl paled.

"Ron-" Harry said, suddenly Oprah again.

"Fine! I _will_!" she stormed away.

"I knew girls got hormonal, but not _that _hormonal."

"Ron, you said _our_ lives. Didn't you just mean your life?" Harry asked reasonably.

Ron nodded thoughtfully. "Yeh, sorry mate."

_How half-assed_ Harry thought angrily

* * *

As the Gryffindors sat lazily in the common room, reminiscing over their years at Hogwarts, they all felt an unwanted presence. Snape came marching through the portrait hole, and he looked pissed. 

"_Harry Potter_."

* * *

_My dears._

_Sorry for the wait._

_'soon' is a foreign concept to me. I'm like my mother. You know when she says she'll pick you up at 5:30 she means 7:45._

_Ahh, the sexiness of the review button still grows._


	12. Keep it locked up inside

_Okay, so I know I haven't updated in like forever. But I had some extra time on my hands…and yeah. I hope you like. I'm trying to get these characters more in depth. Thanks! _

_xox_

_-A_

CHAPTER TWELVE: KEEP IT LOCKED UP INSIDE

Severus Snape was furious. Well, shocked and furious. After hearing that Harry Potter, one he'd always suspected to be a particularly, shall we say, soft at heart, choking one of Hogwarts most respected authoritarians, his disposition toward the boy were a dichotomy of the two emotions.

Gryffindors stared up at him, obviously terrified. "_Harry Potter_," he hissed, trying to fill his voice with as much malice as possible.

The boy looked up at him, his eyes reflecting boredom and annoyance, kind of a _whatnow?_ sort of look.

"Yes?" Harry responded calmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Come with me, and I'll tell you just _what"_ Snape sniped.

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. In a rage, Snape stormed across the common room and grabbed his arm. He was surprised at how easily Harry complied and allowed himself to be dragged away in front of his classmates. Once they'd exited the portrait hole and were standing alone on a platform between two staircases, Snape turned on him, anger contorting his face.

"What's with _you_?"

This further angered the professor. He grabbed Harry's injured shoulder. Harry flinched. Snape noticed this.

"What's with _you_?" He mocked.

"Nothing." Harry insisted, his snide attitude vanishing, and pulled from his grasp.

"Why, it seems as if the great Harry Potter has hurt himself, has he?" Snape leaned in dangerously close to his pupils face, his eyes an ebony menace.

Harry stumbled backwards, the proximity of his Professor reminding him of the proximity of Uncle Vernon when he was…..no, he wouldn't think about that. Not now. He bit his lip, trying to surface a witty response.

"Come along Potter," Snape grabbed his left arm roughly, grazing his cuts, "You have much explaining to do."

* * *

Once they'd reached Snapes dungeons, the pain in Harry's arm was harrowing, considering the Potions masters tight grip over his self-inflicted wounds. They traveled down a long hallway, towards a large wooden door. The room on the other side of the door was truly astonishing. Harry took a moment to study his surroundings once they were inside. 

They were in a room with walls of stone. A fireplace crackled in the middle of the east wall, a bookcases at each side of it. Though the bookcases were not filled with books, but crammed with vials of potions of every different color. There were two lavish dark green couches facing each other in the center of the room, with a black marble table in between. A snake was carved within the marble.

Snape released his arm, unceremoniously pushing him down onto one of the couches. Harry cradled his sore arm as though it was broken.

Severus studied him obstinately. "Let's pity poor Potter," he growled, the thought of the boys father coming to mind.

"Well, well, well," Harry replied nastily, "seems as though you could also teach a class on alliteration. But, seeing as-"

"Oh, shutup Potter." Snape interrupted, seating himself in the couch opposite him, "Dumbledore has spoken with me of the incident between you and our dear Madame Pomfrey."

"Oh yes, your _dear_ Madame Pomfrey.." Harry muttered darkly, anger flashing in his eyes, "the pair of them. Trying to see into something they will _never_ understand…"

Snape smiled waywardly at Harry's brooding. "Developed a sense of anger, have you? Think it makes you powerful?"

Harry looked up at his Potions master, his eyes holding an unmistakable directness. "It makes the Dark Lord powerful."

"I suppose." Snape responded through gritted teeth.

"You suppose?" Harry retorted gravely, "You know firsthand of his power, don't you Professor?"

Snape seemed confused at first, but then he nodded quietly to himself with understanding. The boy had visions. Visions of when he was a death eater. The dark lord's memories were Potters also. "It is not me who needs to be questioned, boy."

Harry's grin vanished.

"How did you manage to deflect the dark lords power, Mr. Potter?"

Harry looked down at his feet, his voice barely a whisper. "I don't know, sir."

* * *

Snape found Harry's attitude change from indignant to submissive more than disturbing. After the unexplainably powerful question was asked and unanswered, he had sent the Gryffindor back to bed, looking forward to a long night of tossing and turning in bed in confusion. Confusion of Harry's home situation to start off with. Wouldn't James Potter, though he despised the man, have thought to leave his only son in a loving household. But James Potter didn't know he was going to die he mentally scolded himself. 

The other confusion/question on his mind was: why was concentrating so hard on this boy when all he had ever felt for him was contempt?

* * *

Yeah, yeah. It's short. But. Like. 

Review…please? I have lots more free time and I can probably continue this with longer chapters. More Ron Hermione coming up next? I know I take forever to update, but I Swear I will have two more chapters up by New Years day. I swear!!


	13. Keep my distance from lies

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: KEEP MY DISTANCE FROM LIES

* * *

Harry returned to the Gryffindor common room with a sick feeling in his stomach. The cause of his nausea was the thoughts he had during his walk back. He thought of what the Dark Lord had said in front of Snape. Now Snape knew what Uncle Vernon had done to him. Though he had not brought it up, he supposed his teacher had to think about it sometime. He collapsed on his favorite arm chair by the fire, wanting nothing more than peaceful sleep.. 

A few hours later, Harry woke to Ron shaking him on the shoulder. "Mate! _MATE!_"

"_What_?" snapped Harry irritably. Ron recoiled slightly.

"Sorry," Harry apologized softly, "sleepy." He cracked a smile that made him feel disgusted with himself, and inquired, "what are you on about?"

"Well," Ron said anxiously, unable to stop wringing his hands, "I- well," He seated himself in the small couch opposite Harry, "I talked to Hermione."

Harry raised his eyebrows. "And…"

Ron looked down at his lap, and for a moment Harry thought he would cry. But to Harry's great relief his ginger-haired friend met his gaze, and said in a dooming voice, "Hermione thinks she'll rid of it. The baby, that is."

To say the least, Harry was shocked. It felt good to be pulled from his own problems, those being that Snape knew about his home life, but he felt sick. He wasn't opposed to abortion in the least, it's the woman's own body, yada yada yada, but he never thought Hermione was capable of doing something like this to Ron.

Harry adopted a sympathetic tone. "What did she say exactly, Ron?"

It was Saturday, so they were sitting in the common room alone, while everyone else went down to Hogwarts grounds and revel in the sunshine.

"Well," Ron stated in a cross between a groan and a sigh, "we had quite a row. I told Hermione I was sorry for all the things I'd said, and she took to calling me immature, how did she not know it was going to happen again, she doesn't want someone like _me_ fathering her child.." He shook his head, his eyes distant, then continued, "I mean, her taking the mickey out of me for being angry with her…Anyway…screamed she'd already made plans to rid of it during Christmas break, got a muggle doctor who owes her a favor. I just can't…." His voice broke, and Harry saw tears swimming in his eyes, "I _can't_ understand why, mate. Why me? I'd like to have a son….and imagine what _she'll_ go through, I _care_ about her, I never meant- Oh, _Christ_…" Ron had broken down, his body heaving, face buried in his hands.

Harry stood up tentatively, and walked over to Ron. He seated himself beside his best friend, and keeping a safe distance, he patted him on the back. It was rather awkward for Harry, his mind kept drifting to things like, oh, say, his.own.rape., while Ron sobbed relentlessly beside him. Once Ron had calmed himself, and Harry finally drew his hand back into his own lap, there was a silence between the two.

"Sorry," Ron croaked.

"No problem, mate. Everyone's gotta cry sometimes." _Except for me_ Harry thought bitterly.

"So," Ron sniffed, wiping tears from his eyes, "what did _Snape_ want?"

"Just another Occlumency lesson is all. I forgot about it. Git was _livid_." Harry was surprised at how easily the lies slipped out of his mouth. Ron grinned, his eyes red-rimmed.

"Mate," Harry said, now quite concerned for his friend, "we should go down and get some sunshine. Forget about her." Though this was not his fight, he knew there was some unwritten law you had to side with the person with whom gender you shared. Or something along those lines. He wouldn't be a prat to Hermione, though. Didn't need anymore negative attention.

* * *

Snape hadn't seen Potter at the breakfast table Saturday morning. He figured the Boy Who Bloody Well Lived had slept in. He did, however, see him strolling through the corridors with Ron, who looked slightly unnerved.  
Damn him. Severus was hoping to have caught him before one of his little sniveling friends did. "Potter," the boy stopped, a dead serious look in his eyes, "Your performance last night was _dreadful. _My office, seven o' clock tonight." 

As Snape turned to leave with a menacing billow of his cape, he faintly heard Weasley mutter, "Fucking cu-"

"I am not sure," He bellowed, turning to face the two Gryffindors, catching Ron off guard, "that I would like to hear you finish that sentence, Mr. Weasley. _Fifty _points from Gryffindor." Then the greasy Potions Master departed.

* * *

Harry sat with Ron in the Great Hall, looking tiredly down at his peas and mashed potatoes. He was dreading 'Occlumency' with Snape. Hermione sat alone at the end of their table, shooting tedious glares at the pair when she thought they weren't looking. Harry admittedly felt sorry for her. 

Ron poked at his mashed potatoes wearily. "I don't see why Dumbledore is so keen on your blocking out those nightmares. I know you don't enjoy them and all, Harry, no offence, but they _did_ save my dads life last year."

"Yeah," Harry muttered indifferently.

Hermione stormed past them. "Life's a bitch, isn't it?" Ron whined, receiving a nod in agreement from Harry, "I've got a pregnant girl who looks as though she'll cut my neck in my sleep and you have to go to Snape, in the _dungeons_ no less, to practice defending yourself from 'external penetration of the mind'." Ron waved his arms around suggestively.

They had a good laugh about the phrase, 'external penetration', and then six-fifty dawned on Harry all too soon. He waved goodbye to Ron, making his way towards Snape dungeons.

* * *

_Next chapter: THE TALK! Reviews appreciated, sorry I didn't comply with New Years promise. Going to be updating more._

_Oh, who knows. I can't keep my word about much._

_Anyway, the review button in all its promiscuous glory is on the left of your screen. Type thoughts, feelings, opinions. I love you all deeply._


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